Whose got the funk?

I am in a seriously funky mood today (maybe a little yesterday too). So, I honor of this funk (and maybe in an effort to get it out of my system) I am going to make a list of funky things.

Funk (or more specifically things that gross me out or piss me off):

1. Feet (looking at them, touching them, anything having to do with them)
2. Flip flops, especially on men, anywhere except the beach or a public shower (see above)
3. Pepsi
4. Popcorn kernels that get stuck forever in your teeth.
5. Parking tickets for expired meters that are issued less than five minutes before you get there
6. Prom hair
7. Excessive horn honking
8. Long finger nails on men
9. Men in skinny jeans
10. Doing dishes
11. Ordering transcripts
12. Flat pop
13. Slow computers
14. Expired milk, yogurt, sour cream, etc. (especially when you forget, and count on them being viable when you are planning your evening)
15. Hummers (the car, not the BJ)
16. Having to pee really bad, but not wanting to get out of your chair
17. Menstruation
18. Getting rained on when it's cold
19. When women who play sports wear bows and ribbons in their hair
20. Rhinestones
21. Cigarettes
22. Movie theater bathrooms
23. People chewing with their mouth open
24. Gum smacking

In an effort to break my funk, I've been watching this, thanks to Tina, and it has really been helping. Also, I'm getting pretty good at a lot of those moves.

and, for no reason...

The thing I really would like to eat right now:

1. Cream filled powdered dougnut

Women's Locker Room: Vortex of Crazy

For the second day in a row there has been a woman in her mid fifties just sitting in the locker room for over an hour doing nothing. Both yesterday and today, she was there when I came in, and she was there when I left in the exact same position. Yesterday, she was in her underwear, eyes closed, headphones on, chin resting on chest, just sitting there. I almost went up to her yesterday to see if she was alright (ie. alive). But she was perched on a stool, and I figured if she was dead or unconscious, she would probably fall over. Today she was sitting on the couch in her swimsuit. Eyes closed, headphones on. She was there from the moment I got there to the time I left, doing the exact same thing. Here are some ideas I've been tossing around regarding what she might possibly be doing (not in order of likeliest).


1. Embracing an out of body experience
2. Strengthening her core
3. Trying to remember her locker combination
4. Communing with the dead
5. Getting the Led out
6. Conducting a sit in to protest her monthly fee
7. Air drying
8. Listening to self hypnosis tapes
9. Meditating
10. Writing the great American novel in her head
11. Practicing telepathy with her hubby in the men's locker room
12. Making everyone around her uncomfortable

It had been awhile since I went to the gym, so I am eager to see if this behavior continues (both the lady sitting without clothes for hours and my continued pursuit of health and fitness. Given her demonstrated commitment and dedication to whatever she is doing, I suggest placing money on her.).

Headspace: Thoughts 1-11

Thoughts that have been occupying my headspace lately (in no order of importance to me):

1. How nervous was Daniel Radcliffe when he performed full frontal nudity on stage after months of hype?
- What were his biggest fears? Not living up to size expectations? Becoming aroused? Cellulite?

2. Are there non virgins who have never had their boobs felt/ felt a boob?

3. Why is Tina Fey so funny and how can I become her? And if I cannot become her, how can I befriend her in a non creepy way?

4. Why would anyone ever send me this website (WARNING: Contains pictures of poo)? And why did I look at it twice?

5. Do people who use the internet for dating have something seriously wrong with them, and if so, does that mean that since I have used the internet for dating, I have something seriously wrong with me?

6. Am I less charming in person than I think I am in my head (because that would explain a thing or two)?

7. Why do dressing rooms ever, EVER, use harsh overhead lighting and mirrors that make you look anything other than 10 pounds lighter?

8. If I had to pick only one song to karaoke, would it be something from Led Zeppelin or would it be the Ying Yang Twins? Which would get more applause if I actually sang it with conviction and without gasping for breath?

9. Are there people who really like going to the dentist?

10. Do anti-Semites hate matzo ball soup just on principle?

11. How weird will it be to dissect a human in medical school? Will it be weirder having my fellow classmates do OMM on me? Especially when they have to touch my butt? Will it be weirder for me to do it on them? Will I want to be partnered with someone I'm attracted to, someone I'm unattracted to or someone of my same sex (attractive or not)? What if someone (especially me) passes gas during the process? Is there anything one could say (either the person who did the deed or who heard it) to make that less awkward and uncomfortable? Can you ask someone out on a date while you are manipulating their skeletal system? Does that fall into the category of creepy?

Please feel free to provide answers to these questions. The more honest, the better.

Drop it like it's hawt.

My most recently watch videos on Youtube:

Swing: Savage



I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T: Webbie feat. Lil' Boosie and Lil' Phat



Drop it like it's Hot: Snoop D. O. double G. feat. Pharrell



Poison: Bel Biv Devoe



Bitch Please: Snoop Dogg Feat. Nate Dogg and Xzibit



Low: Flo Rida Feat. T-Pain


Pop, Lock and Drop it: Huey



I'll Be Dat: Redman




Basically, it's been a booty poppin' dance party all day. Anyone else ready to shake their shit this weekend?

This came up in an image search for "dancing bears". Dancing indeed.

Another (for lack of mental fortitude)

Oh my goodness. Really, are the only things I can think to post lists? I don't know why I've been so list crazy lately (and by lately I mean the last two days). Does it mean I am taking stock of my life? Doubtful. Am I deluding myself into thinking people may care about the top 14 blahs I blah about? Most likely.

Favorite Smells
1. Sauteeing onions
2. Steak and garlic
3. Salamanca, Spain (jamon and bread)
4. Chlorine
5. Sandalwood
6. Arm and Hammer deodorant
7. Old Spice (god help me)
9. Aveda products
10. Lavender
11. Nag Champa
12. Brownies
13. The ocean
14. Apple cider
15. Campfire or fireplace fire
16. New books
17. Old beach books
18. Baby
19. McDonald's
20. Patchouli (I know. I KNOW.)

Lists (the first of many)

I am intimidated by the blankness of this blog, so I am going to make my first entry a series of lists. I realize that may not be the most interesting thing to read, but I need to just get something down. So. There.

T.V. shows I am enjoying watching and would recommend to someone I am trying to impress:
1. American Gladiators.
2. House, M.D.
3. How to look good naked.
4. Two and a Half Men.
5. Arrested Development.
6. Flight of the Conchords.
7. Curb Your Enthusiasm.
8. The Office.
9. 30 Rock.
10. Rock of Love.
11. Rob and Big.
12. Celebrity Rehab.

Things I think about while I am swimming.

1. The lyrics to whatever song was playing on the radio before I went under.
2. The lyrics to the song that has been stuck in my head all week.
3. What I am going to eat when I am done.
4. How I am going to initiate a conversation with a boy I like.
5. Witty anecdotes I can tell said boy.
6. Whether or not the lifeguard can tell that my swimsuit is creeping up my cheeks.
7. Whether or not I can finish my set without breaking to go to the bathroom.
8. Whether or not I could pee while I was swimming.
9. Whether or not anyone would notice if I did pee while I was swimming.
10. How many other people have peed in this pool.
11. All this thinking about peeing is making me have to pee more.
12. How I can't wait to have a newborn baby and take it to swim classes.
13. What my baby's name will be.
14. What my baby will look like.
15. What genes of mine I want my baby to have.
16. What genes of mine I do not want my baby to have.
17. So on and so forth.


Names people give children that I don't understand unless they are family names and even then, I'm not so sure.
1. Madison (I know it is popular, but I just don't get it)
2. Shamus
3. Plaxico
4. Audio Science
5. Siobhan (mostly because I have no idea how it is pronounced)
6. Any number.
7. Vondra (it is like a combination of names that confuses my brain)
8. Wyatt
9. White people named Jesus (are there any?)
10. Guy